A theme that has been coming up lately with people I’ve been chatting with is: “I’m so hard on myself…and I don’t know why!”
With their permission, we dive a little deeper…
“In what situations does this happen?” I ask, and “What would you like to feel instead?”
As they think about their situations and experiences, I’ve noticed a few themes come up:
Perfectionism: The need to be perfect, to do things perfectly, and to limit mistakes to zero may create feelings of inadequacy, “not enough” or incompetency.
Expectations: Their expectations of themselves are not being met—to be the greatest, the smartest, and always have the “right” answer may create feelings of disappointment, anger, or hurt.
Beliefs: Somewhere under that response is a belief that they need to be better or more of something, they just may not know what that something is. With this awareness lies an understanding that they can shift that into something positive.
When we begin to identify when it happens…
“It happens when I make a mistake.”
“It happens when things don’t go the way I planned.”
“It happens when someone is disappointed in me”…and so on.
then we can begin shifting to more productive ways of being.
“I would like to learn how to laugh at myself more!”
“I would like to give myself some grace.”
“I would like to just let it go.”
By being curious, asking questions, and some reflection during our time together, “How can I stop being so hard on myself?” turns into different ways of how they want to respond instead—in a way that they are not so hard on themselves.
How often are you hard on yourself?
What can you do differently the next time it happens?
As always, however you are feeling today, I want you to know that you are never alone. I encourage you to reach out—if not to me, then to someone!
I believe in you,
P.S. How helpful was this? If you think of someone who may benefit, please do not hesitate to forward this information. Thank you!