As a parent, I want my children to know I Iove them.
As a daughter, as a wife, as a person, I want everyone to know that I love them.
New friends, old friends, people I just met.
I want to radiate Love.
I want people to know that they have someone in their corner, I want people to know that they are not alone…and it’s not always easy.
Why would showing someone love not always be easy?
One reason may be our expectations of love (or at least my expectation of love).
When we give love to a person, we will receive the same love back, right? Well, not always. Maybe not the kind of love we we are expecting. Believe it or not, people have different definitions of love and how they show it.
I’ve realized over the years, while doing my life work, my love has become conditional — I love you as long as you do as I say and are working to make yourself better. I learned a long time ago that I would receive love and attention as long as I was “good” and didn’t create more stress for my Mom. But when I went against what she wanted me to do, or what she wanted from me, she withheld love (I’ve come to understand that this was also a pattern with her parents).
Now I’m painfully aware of a pattern that I want to break. It’s not fun, it’s not something that I ever thought I’d be dealing with, but it needs to be addressed—because I want to not only give love, but I want to radiate love.
As I challenge this pattern, I find myself asking (and answering):
What are the feelings I’m feeling when I withhold love? Conflict, disgust, irritation, discouragement.
Why am I feeling like this? Because deep down I want to be loving to others in all circumstances, but feeling conflicted, disgust, irritation, and discouragement get in the way.
How do I want to be instead? Loving, patient, kind, compassionate, giving.
What next small steps do I need to take to change this pattern? Pray, take some quiet time, and talk to someone who can help me connect the dots (i.e., my coach).
Why do I want to change this pattern? Because I realize this pattern I’ve learned hurts my current relationships. This pattern creates a harshness and abrasiveness in me that blocks how I show true love.
I had to be reminded (as I write this out) that the most important part of this process is showing myself love—to be loving, patient, kind, compassionate and giving to myself first.
Then I will be able to do that for others.
As we approach another day, I’m curious:
What patterns in your life are blocking you from what you really want?
What patterns are keeping you stuck in relationships, finances, your faith, or health?
What old patterns are no longer serving you?