It’s been a few weeks since my last email and I truly apologize. Life seems to pass quickly when unforeseen obstacles disrupt our path and I’m glad to be back!
Life, especially when it comes to family issues, can take a toll if we let it.
It’s been almost a year since I’ve taken the role of guardian for my 15-year-old niece. If you don’t know by now, family can definitely bring out the best in us and the worst (think family reunions and holidays)!
Over the last year, I’ve seen different patterns come up, especially family patterns. Family patterns can be difficult to deal with because they bring up experiences we believe didn’t bother us or situations we believe we’ve already healed from.
Having my niece join our family has brought up familiar family patterns that I’ve acknowledged, reconsidered and shifted in my own life. Yet there are still things that come up from my childhood by having her here.
When we begin to recognize the patterns in our lives, it may come in the form of frustration or anger. The frustration or anger says, “Look at me, look at me!”
We can choose to acknowledge and dig a little deeper or ignore them and let them stay and continue to be a familiar pattern.
If we choose to take a look, we realize there may be some pain and discomfort to create a lasting change. This pain and discomfort is usually the reason why we continue to stay silent or keep things as they are.
Pain and discomfort are normal and natural responses to change —the more we are open to growth, the less likely we give pain, discomfort and fear a seat at our table.
Pain may come when we know that we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. Pain for some people means looking in the mirror and asking, “What can I do differently to create a better situation?”
As we dig deeper, we may ask:
What is this situation bringing up for me?
What emotions is this triggering? What feelings do I need to acknowledge and work through?
What is the pattern behind this relationship (or finances, career, health issue, etc.)?
How can I listen more and talk less?
How can I have more compassion and empathy for the other person or situation?
The greatest thing about patterns is they can be shifted into purpose. Each obstacle, each challenge we encounter is an opportunity to create life as you want it.
My purpose right now for my niece is to be a trusted adult in her life, to guide her to make good decisions, and set her up for the next season of her life—adulthood. By focusing on this purpose, I can see the person I need to be for her…and the person I want to be for others.
What patterns are keeping you frustrated, angry, or stuck?
What areas of your life do you feel pain?
How can these situations and experiences bring purpose for your life?
As always, however you are feeling today, I want you to know that you are never alone. I encourage you to reach out—if not to me, then to someone! Give me a call or text at 951.523.7959, or click here to schedule a chat.
I promise you, I may not always know what to say or do, but I can be a huge heart with ears.
I believe in you,