Did you know there are more than 40 different life experiences that can lead to grief besides death and divorce?
Here is some background: Psychologists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe were pioneers in exploring the connection between life stressors through the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale. This scale identifies 43 life events that may cause grief, and may also contribute to physical, mental, and emotional health challenges. Many of these grief-inducing events are common, relatable experiences.
One limitation of the list is that it ranks losses using a point system. This implies that there is a hierarchy of grief. In reality, while not all losses are “equal,” individuals feel each loss at 100%. The list below follows the original Holmes-Rahe order but leaves out the point values assigned to each event.
The Grief Recovery Institute defines grief as “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior” which can include many different experiences that we may not think contributes to grief.
Everyday experiences—like moving, the start/end of school, an illness or injury—are often overlooked as potential grief experiences. Even “positive” life changes, such as getting married, having a child, or retiring, can bring on grief due to the life changes and the potential of mixed emotions of the experience.
To expand on Holmes and Rahe’s list, additional intangible sources of grief can include:
Loss of Trust
Loss of Approval
Loss of Safety
Loss of Control over one’s body
These types of losses also bring unique forms of grief that aren’t as visible but are just as impactful.
Grieving Experiences:
Death of a spouse
Divorce
Marital separation
Imprisonment
Death of a close family member
Personal injury or illness
Marriage
Dismissal from work
Marital reconciliation
Retirement
Change in health of family member
Pregnancy
Sexual difficulties
Gain a new family member
Business readjustment
Change in financial state
Death of a close friend
Change to different line of work
Change in frequency of arguments
Major mortgage
Foreclosure of mortgage or loan
Change in responsibilities at work
Child leaving home
Trouble with in-laws
Outstanding personal achievement
Spouse starts or stops work
Begin or end school
Change in living conditions
Revision of personal habits
Trouble with boss
Change in working hours or conditions
Change in residence
Change in schools
Change in recreation
Change in church activities
Change in social activities
Minor mortgage or loan
Change in sleeping habits
Change in number of family reunions
Change in eating habits
Vacation
Christmas
Minor violation of law
Loss of Trust, Loss of Approval, Loss of Safety and Loss of Control of my body
If you’re experiencing grief, please reach out–if not to me then someone! Send me an email at Teresa@RestorationShoppe.com or give me a call 951.523.7959.
I believe in you,
Teresa
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