Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting…
Maybe it’s because:
the New Year is coming…
it’s a season of growth…
or I’m really interested in what I can do different in life and opening up to different ways to make it happen, rather than wishing it to happen.
Whatever the prompting is, something really stood out to me this week: my desire over the years to prove myself, not just for myself, but to be loved by others.
I realized I’ve been caught in a cycle of trying to prove to:
~others that I am worthy of their attention.
~myself that I’ve “done enough” and am worthy of receiving all the goodness that life has to offer.
Through different experiences, I’ve carried a lot of disappointment, discouragement, and resentment when my “good” wasn’t “good enough,” when I wasn’t good enough for others, or when things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to.
The truth is, I’ve continued to feed the cycle by looking outside myself for approval, looking for support from others who weren’t equipped to, and judging myself for the many mistakes I’ve made…and it’s time to get out.
With this awareness, it’s easier to examine what’s real, what’s not real, and how to move forward with curiosity.
How do I get out of this cycle? Many of my mentors teach that clarity comes with asking the right questions.
What does “good enough” mean to you? Examining what something means to you can uncover a lot of hidden beliefs and bring clarity to situations.
For example (for me): I’m good enough when…
…(in relationships) I feel worthy of another person’s desire to spend time with me or be with me
…(in situations) I succeed at all that I tried to do, but only those situations with a positive outcome
…people praise me for who I am or what I did
How can I re-define what is “good enough” is? Now that we’ve uncovered what we believe “good enough” is (above), we can challenge and let go of those beliefs to adopt and align new beliefs to how we want to live our life. Sometimes a shift in perspective is all we need to begin changing the cycle that no longer serves us.
What does good enough mean to me now…and what do I want to make it mean from now on? What actions, behavior, responses, or beliefs need to be addressed to support this new way of thinking? When we identify the things that no longer serve us, then we can replace them with thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that will. With this awareness, we can identify steps to applying them to our life.
How can I implement my new definition of “good enough”? “Good enough” can begin to look like responding differently to familiar situations, creating the feeling within rather than looking to others for approval, or even just being your own coach and finding small ways to make progress each day.
When the feeling of not being “good enough” creeps its ugly head from now on, I look at it like an old friend who just stops by to say hi. Being able to quickly recognize him and turn him away becomes a steady new habit…and after awhile he doesn’t even try.
What thoughts or beliefs occupy your mind?
How are these thoughts and beliefs serving you…or hindering you?
What would it be like to re-define what it means to you?
As always, however you are feeling today, I want you to know that you are never alone. I encourage you to reach out—if not to me, then to someone!
I believe in you,
P.S. How helpful was this? If you think of someone who may benefit, please do not hesitate to forward this information. Thank you!